That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
