if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
