Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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