At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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