so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
