i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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