she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
