It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
