Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
