you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
