You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
