I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
