:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
