I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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