I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize