If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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