the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
