Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
