I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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