some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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