Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
