I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
