I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
