Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
