So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize