He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
