Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Randomize
