That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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