so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's never too late to be topless.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
