People with herpes should wear stickers.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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