I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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