Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
