Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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