I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
