So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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