Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
