Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
