People in love make me want to vomit
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
