Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
