Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
