I love black thongs
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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