I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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