I love black thongs
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize