i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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