I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
