So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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