Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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