We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
