Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
