Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i think i just lost a toe
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
