PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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