She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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