And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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