I accidentally burped into my bong.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am never drinking with the goths again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize