Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
