Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
