At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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