1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
