So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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