Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
