wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
