I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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