Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize