plz talk dirty to me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Your cock deserves a montage
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
