I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Still dying that you shit outside
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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