The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
