My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
