im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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