you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize