you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Pappa wants mamma naked
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
