yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
