Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
