JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
