I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
