I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
