nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
