we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
