I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
