I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
