I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
