Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
