I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
