i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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