Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
