Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
