All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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