Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
