If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize