it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
