Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
