I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
