Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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