she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
