1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
