im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
