I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
