My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
