I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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