Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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